Do you have a place you go when life feels like too much?

Maybe it's the couch. Pop on Netflix.  Scroll through your usual feed. Engage in conversation with the same people who already agree with you. Something comfy and familiar that feels like rest.  Feels like home.

But what if home has become a prison?

Not the dramatic, obvious kind. The cozy kind. The kind with good lighting and a warm blanket yet absolutely no forward movement.

I like to watch sports. As an athlete myself I enjoy watching fit people do difficult things. Routinely, catching the Blue Jays, Raptors or golf used to consume my evenings.  Drink in hand I’d curl up, punch in 1400 on my remote to see who was playing what. It was my way to wind down. 

Here are a couple of things I've learned, from my own life and from 25 years studying how the human mind works. 

Firstly, watching someone else do their work is not your accomplishment.  Super fans who say, “We scored!” don’t realize how they misspeak. They accomplished nothing. 

Secondly, sports, like movies, sitcoms, Netflix and even the news, are entertainment and your mind is being cleverly hacked while you watch; hence, why they call it “programming”.

Now I don’t mean to suck the joy of cheering on your favourite team or getting lost in a movie.  Fun is an essential part of our world.  It’s the distraction that creates a prison of sorts that needs addressing.

The prison that feels safe and comfortable yet holds you stuck and frustrated.  The prison that creates the excuses as to why you don’t have the time, the money, the energy, the will or the network to create your own accomplishments.  The prison that feels uncomfortable to leave but doing so brings liberation.

Aha! ~ Familiar suffering is still suffering. Comfort that stops you growing isn't peace. It's captivity with nice curtains.

The old version of you doesn't feel like the enemy. It feels like home. That's exactly the problem.

Our brains are wired to seek safety first. So, when something new shows up, even something we said we wanted, the programming whispers: "Not yet. You're not ready”. “What if you look foolish?" and we slide back into the familiar of popping on the tube and saying we’ll do it tomorrow.

Let’s be abundantly clear. That's not weakness. And it's not laziness. It's a program running. One that was installed long before you had any say in the matter and get continuously reinforced by society.

The question isn't whether you're ready to change. The question is whether you're willing to get a little uncomfortable with what's keeping you stuck.

Because here's what I know: you have outgrown the version of yourself you've been protecting. You felt it. That quiet restlessness. That sense that there has to be more.

That feeling? That's not a problem. That's a signal.

Growth doesn't begin when things get easy. It begins when you get honest.

Fun is not the enemy. Neither is the game, the movie, or the laugh with friends. Those things are essential. What costs you is the slow trade, your own unwritten story for someone else's highlight reel.

"This is the real secret of life: to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now." , Alan Watts

What would change if you showed up that completely, for yourself?

Focusing on yourself first is not something society prepares you for.  But it’s all about you.  What do you want? Let’s discuss 5:00 pm EDT Wednesday. Email me at [email protected] for the link to join in!