Funny thing: men marry women expecting they won't change. Women marry men expecting they will change. And do they? Change, that is?

Maybe the more interesting question isn't whether they change. It's whether we do.

Think about the people in your life right now. Not just close relationships. The committee you sit on. The neighbour you wave to. The colleague you tiptoe around. Everyone brings something to the table. Truly. But not everyone fills your bucket. And here's the thing we don't say out loud often enough: that's okay.

What’s not okay is anxiety some relationships generate.  But the anxiety doesn't come from the relationship itself. It comes from the expectation we place on it, on the individual, on the outcome, or all of the above.

If you've tried, hinted, nudged, suggested, modeled, hoped, and the people you love most have remained magnificently, stubbornly themselves, understand that, honestly, is exactly what they should do. At least they're consistent. And that's something we can count on.

But what about how we feel?

One of my earlier trainers said, "Everyone brings joy to the room. Some when they arrive, and others when they leave." (I can hear you laughing.)

Seriously, though, what might happen if we stopped waiting for someone to become who we need them to be, and simply appreciated them for who they are, all by themselves? Can that peace create space for a more joyful life?

Aha! ~ You can't change the people around you. But you can change the people around you.

Now before you feel a stab of guilt, let me say this clearly. This is not about abandoning people. It's not about building a perfectly curated circle of high-performers and leaving everyone else behind. That's ego talking. And ego makes terrible decisions about who belongs in your life.

Here's the difference.

When you choose from ego, you're choosing based on who looks good in your story. The acclaimed colleague. The popular friend. The expensive coach everyone is talking about. You keep them close because their proximity feels like proof of something.

When you choose from energy, you ask a completely different question. How do I actually feel after I leave?

Not during. After.

Because some people you enjoy in the moment, yet feel quietly depleted when you get home. Some you dread seeing and feel strangely light when it's over. And some, the rare ones, you leave feeling more like yourself than when you arrived.

Your nervous system knows the difference before your brain has finished rationalizing.

Here's your permission slip.

You are allowed to reorganize. You are allowed to let some relationships be what they are, occasional, warm, limited, and go looking for the ones that make you feel electric. Not because the others are wrong. Because you are finally choosing from a place of energy instead of obligation.

Change takes courage. Real courage. Change, honestly, should be a four-letter word. It asks you to release something familiar, something you’re invested in, sometimes something you’ve publicly endorsed. That's huge.

Let your vibe determine your tribe.

Gosh, I find us fascinating creatures!  We love being around one another … but not always. “Know when to hold ‘em, know when to walk away.”  Let’s talk more tomorrow at 2:00 pm eastern  Email [email protected] for the zoom link to join the discussion.